Why don’t I fit in?

I feel blocked….I can’t seem to string together thoughts that I feel are worthy of a blog post.   I feel as if I am constantly trying to measure up to other writers.

I want to be accepted.  (but who doesn’t)

I want to be praised for my writing.  (again, so does everyone else who writes anything that is shared publicly)

I want to be relevant but not come off as a know it all.   (Lord knows there are enough of those types out in this world)

I want to know that I made someone ‘think’ or ‘feel’ something.  (I just don’t want to come off as trite or trying too hard)

I want to have more balance in my life.  (Not just running from one thing to another flitting all over the place)

I look back and I have always been this all or nothing kind of person and honestly I hate it!   One example would be, when I have dieted.  I immersed myself into counting calories, points, carbs, fat grams or whatever the current diet required of me.  I would become obsessed with logging foods and exercise minutes and my family suffered because of it.  I don’t want to be that person in my children’s eyes.   I want them to be able to be proud of my ability to be balanced, honest and true to myself.   I often feel that I am not consistent and because of this my blogging and every other thing I do is inconsistent.   I then become frustrated and back off from whatever it is and move to something else.

I have fought my whole life to fit in, to be a part of something, anything.  But every time I try it seems like no matter what it is and how hard I try I am always on the outskirts looking in at those I admire.   Wishing that I had their strength, courage, love, understanding and talent.   I have always felt mediocre and perhaps it is time for me to just accept that maybe I am just meant to watch as others do what I long to do.   It is akin to being the kid who perpetually gets picked last.

Perhaps my insecurities stand in my way.  I only wish I knew how to let go of them fully and move forward confidently and successfully.   Anyone know how to do that??

fitting in

If you like my blog, please take a moment and click the Top Mom Blog button on the sidebar to vote for my blog.  I appreciate the time you took to read this and all my other posts.  I wish you a great day filled with sunshine and love always!!   Thank you! 

3 thoughts on “Why don’t I fit in?

  1. The balance is not putting yourself into everything without seeing the world around you! The balance is doing everything and still having time left over.

    We all tend to give all or nothing, but in reality if we give all to one thing, we give nothing to the other more important things in our life.

    You do not neglect your writing for life and you should never neglect life for your writing.

    You have so much there in every piece you do write. There is an essence a soul in your work! Hold on to that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s just it, I haven’t been able to find uninterrupted time to even think or ponder stuff that pops into my head, let alone write about it. Sorry for whining…I am so blessed and grateful for everything I have. I have an amazing husband and my kids are great even if they test my patience daily. I guess I am just having a bad week.


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