I feel blocked….I can’t seem to string together thoughts that I feel are worthy of a blog post. I feel as if I am constantly trying to measure up to other writers.
I want to be accepted. (but who doesn’t)
I want to be praised for my writing. (again, so does everyone else who writes anything that is shared publicly)
I want to be relevant but not come off as a know it all. (Lord knows there are enough of those types out in this world)
I want to know that I made someone ‘think’ or ‘feel’ something. (I just don’t want to come off as trite or trying too hard)
I want to have more balance in my life. (Not just running from one thing to another flitting all over the place)
I look back and I have always been this all or nothing kind of person and honestly I hate it! One example would be, when I have dieted. I immersed myself into counting calories, points, carbs, fat grams or whatever the current diet required of me. I would become obsessed with logging foods and exercise minutes and my family suffered because of it. I don’t want to be that person in my children’s eyes. I want them to be able to be proud of my ability to be balanced, honest and true to myself. I often feel that I am not consistent and because of this my blogging and every other thing I do is inconsistent. I then become frustrated and back off from whatever it is and move to something else.
I have fought my whole life to fit in, to be a part of something, anything. But every time I try it seems like no matter what it is and how hard I try I am always on the outskirts looking in at those I admire. Wishing that I had their strength, courage, love, understanding and talent. I have always felt mediocre and perhaps it is time for me to just accept that maybe I am just meant to watch as others do what I long to do. It is akin to being the kid who perpetually gets picked last.
Perhaps my insecurities stand in my way. I only wish I knew how to let go of them fully and move forward confidently and successfully. Anyone know how to do that??
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